愛する、生きる

菌類の種類はわからない

 もう何人同級生が亡くなったろう。

どんなに小さきものでも、見た目がどんなものであっても、たとえ目に見えないものでも、この地球上には生きとし生けるもので溢れている。

昨日は宇都宮にある八幡山タワーから宇都宮市内を一望してきたし、今日は福島のアクアマリンふくしまに行ってきた。長男と前日の夜に急に決めたのだったが、うちは動物園や水族館が大好き、家族全員。そして、子供が小さい頃から、車で600kmロングドライブで私の実家に帰省していたから、子供達もドライブは慣れたものだ。今回の目的地までは立ったの141kmだった。

 私は学生の時は世界史と生物が大好きだった。宇都宮の町を一望してる時、古代ロマンを感じずにはいられなかった。(最近、キングダム2を見たことも関係あるかも。大げさ)。思えば、人間にまで進化してから随分と長い時間はかかったがこれだけの文明をよく築き上げたなあと思ったり。また古代の学問、科学や哲学、インドの数学など信じられない。教えてもらってもわからないし、今の時代を生きていても。医学も発展し長生きになった。死なないほうがいいんだが、さて生物学的にはどうかな。

カブトガニ(生きた化石)

よく、生まれてきたことには意味があるとかいうけど、ないよ。生まれてきただけだ。生きていくのに理由づけなんか要らなくて、生まれてきたんだから悔いなく生きるだけ。ただの生命体の一つ。だからこそ強い。今生きていられる私たちは強い。生命は淘汰される。弱いと死ぬ、滅ぶ。その地域独自の進化をそれぞれ遂げた生物達も、人間の文明の発展と共にあちこちに侵入し、生態系が壊れることによって滅ぶ種も出てきたりしているが(外来種問題)、ただの一つの種である人間の手のよってもたらされた文明が原因なら、やはり変わる環境に対応できないのであれば自然淘汰の一つなんじゃないかと最近は思っている。ウイルスについては生物か否かはっきりしないのだが、最近のコロナウイルスなんかは変異株が次々出てきて人間様を困らせているね。

 この地球上にはあちこちで生命が生まれ出でて、いわゆる下等生物と言われるものであっても、意志がなくても、そこらじゅうに愛が転がっている。感情的なものは生物学的にはどういう意味があるのかは知らないけど、人間の次に高等な哺乳類のペットは学習能力で飼い主に懐いてるわけじゃないと思うし、たとえもっと下等な両生類のカエルだって懐くという。もしかして、それぞれ進化しているのかもしれないよね。脊椎が、よりもっと笑。単純に恋愛だけじゃなく、上手く言えないんだけど、その辺のただの草木や飛んでいるトンボを見ていたら思ったんだよね。愛に溢れた世界なんじゃないかって。

 4年前に中学の同級生が死んだ。スキルス性の胃癌で死んだ。とてもカッコよく寡黙な人。彼は24歳の時に44歳の2人の子を抱える女性と結婚した。当時確か小学生と中学生の子たち。しかし、半年足らずで奥さんは亡くなって、彼が2人の父親として子供を引き取って育てた。奥さんは乳がんだった。普通に恋愛して、愛する人の癌がわかって、愛おしい子のことを考え、きっと愛する人と最後まで一緒にいたいと思って結婚した。そして自身も44歳の時胃癌で亡くなった。

死んだのに、何言ってんのって言われそうだけど、とてもロマンティックでドラマチックだよ。やつは最後までかっこいい人生だった。全部愛のために。彼の親御さんは悲しみに暮れながらも、自分の息子を誇っていて、悔いのない人生だったろうと言っていたらしい。そこまで好きになれる人と出会い、少しの間でも一緒にいれたのだから、と。(私の親に聞いた話。親同士も同級生)

 現実はドラマよりドラマチック。人間だけじゃなく、進化する生物全部にドラマチックなことが起こっていて、世界は目まぐるしく変化し続けている。

 わたしたちにもこれから起こる未来はわからない。生命ある限り、喜びも悲しみも痛みも全部自分のものにして、また明日。

 

To love people Ⅱ 

② When I didn’t know

 I have 5 groups 1st year. (15R).
The classroom is still very busy with the aim of Kanao, who I admired. 
But he doesn’t talk much to girls. 
He was only with boys and had never seen him talk to girls. 
It’s quite popular among boys, and it seems to be a quiet person in class, but it seems to be quite interesting when there are no girls.

 He is a soccer club.
I was at a loss for club activities. 
Originally it was a brass band club, but in addition to being in the same grade as the junior, the junior part leader, the brass band club, was called out when he was thinking of giving up and looking for something.
 To the manager of the Japanese-style baseball club.
The club room of the soft field (Japanese-style baseball club) is next to the soccer club. 
As you may remember from the high school club rooms, there were various club rooms for club activities outside, like a Nagaya, beside the ground. 
When I went there for the first time, I found only him while various members of various club activities were crowded together. 
He wanted to see Kanao wearing a club jersey, but he met a guy he didn’t want to see. 
He was also a soccer club.

 That guy is Takumi. 
Playing with a soccer ball, he was so brilliant that I felt that the colors around him were different against the backdrop of the setting sun.
 The day I could feel him for a moment.

 A few days after I started watching only the soccer club, my classmates consulted me when I started to get along with everyone after the first event in the class, the excursion.

Mika “He goes out to play with other girls. He’s a friend, but I don’t think he likes me. There are too many female friends.”
Ai “I’m Mika’s boyfriend now. You should just say,’Don’t play with other kids.'”
Rio (I) “Is Mika’s boyfriend so popular?”
Ai “It’s 18R of Takumi-kun. When I was in junior high school, I was finally able to get along with Mika recently. But when I entered high school, Takumi-kun was the 10th girlfriend in Mika.”
Mika “… I don’t think you like me. I feel like I’m going out with a child I’ve become friends with, so Takumi-kun. I may be shaken soon.”
Rio “Don’t shake me from here, that guy”
 
 After all ,he is the worst.
10 people in less than 2 months after enrolling???????




 After getting angry at Takumi, I started to look straight at Kanao. 
Well, the class is the same, and I don’t talk to the girls stubbornly, so I don’t think I can get along well, but should I just look at them? 
Of course, I’m not a romantic person. 
I never really thought about wanting a boyfriend. 
The children around me were shaken, taken, and what to do with pregnant students at the staff meeting. 
.. 
.. 
The top preparatory schools in the prefecture are mainly academics, and it is natural that you can spend your daily life and behavior in accordance with ethical morals. 
So there are no school rules. 
There was a uniform, but there was no obligation to wear it.
freedom.
Love too. 
Do you suddenly become such an adult when you become a high school student? 
.. 
..
“Do you know what kind of relationship you have with me?”

The line when girls from the same junior high school were fighting at the landing of the stairs on the day they entered high school. 
It is normal to aim at the University of Tokyo and Kyoto University. 
At this high school, Tohoku University class is the first choice even in the lowest class, and at a high school with a deviation value of 70, she who spit out this line is a female doctor in Tokyo. 
It may be a very unique environment when I think about it now.
Is it love to keep up with your studies? 
Circumstances of men and women? 
Despite being swayed by (I’m grateful that even high school students have been able to handle love tactics for the past three years without losing), it’s still like a different world to me. 
Like other children, it would be nice to have a boyfriend who can have a normal high school relationship.
 
It’s been three months since I spent a fluffy high school life with myself left somewhere. 
At the high school school festival, I was happy just to be able to make a class offering together, though it was silent, along with her longing Kanao. 
After the school festival, it was a time when everyone was looking back at the photos and getting excited.

“Hey, you. Rio. This is a help to put it together.”


 He called out for the first time. 
He remembered my name above all else.

To love people 

Mt. Iwaki seen from Hirosaki University

① meet

   It seems trivial, but on the day of the high school entrance ceremony

 Spring back.

 I don’t think the snow was flickering until yesterday …

 

I failed the high school entrance exam and became a junior high school ronin.

The year is different from everyone around me. One above. My classmates are in second grade and when I find me at the entrance ceremony, I see me in a brand new and unfamiliar uniform

“Rio, the uniform looks great”

Said with a senior wig.

I wasn’t worried at all because my two male friends who spent the junior high school ronin together were also enrolled in the same high school …

Looking around, the first graders didn’t look good in brand new uniforms as well, and looked very childish.

 I knew it from the beginning.

When I was supposed to be a junior high school ronin, when I entered high school, I was one year older than the people around me. Originally, I understood that my mental age was older than that of the same grade, and even when I was in junior high school, my friends told me that I didn’t always know where my true intentions were. I was thinking of giving up when the people around me were younger. Even so, even if I act, I have to pretend to be stupid and adjust to this grade.

 Make an effort to change yourself, even if you hide your true intentions.

Just before the ceremony started, there was a girl who spoke to me.

“Is this 5 groups a year?”

Then, looking at my face and talking to me, I stumbled on a pipe chair and fell.

Actually, this is my second time to meet her. On the day of the announcement of the results, I happened to go to see it a little later.

He was the one who was pleased to pass with someone he didn’t know at all.

“Are you okay? Oh, there was a day when the results were announced.”

I thought I wasn’t worried, but I laughed seriously at this time. Still, she must have been nervous. She laughed from the bottom of her heart. Why are you stumbling on a chair? ?? ?? And, depending on the situation, the person who shared the joy together at the time of the announcement of the result. It was in the same class.

I have a feeling that something is likely to happen in my high school life.

 When the ceremony was over and we headed to a new classroom, we talked about our favorite cartoon characters. When I entered the classroom, there was a beautiful boy who thought it was a live-action version of the character. This guy is from the soccer club. Apparently the same Ronin group as me. He seemed to have a fan club when he was in junior high school, and girls of the upper grades gathered, which was so popular that it was difficult to enter the classroom.

 The entrance ceremony was more exciting than I expected.

I promised to go home with two male friends who were ronin together, so I went to the entrance where I was meeting.

The entrance is noisy one year after the entrance ceremony, and even if it isn’t, it’s annoying.There was something that was exciting and throbbing, like a deflated balloon, in a withered heart.

He stands beside a noisy group. He has brown hair and he knows he stands out, but he’s waiting somewhere, giving off a unique aura.

I hate that guy. I’m not good at face. Above all, he is the type who is confident in himself.

I do not like it.

The moment I had my eyes, but I remember keeping an eye on each other.I’m sure it’s a tremendous moment.

But like slow motion, I still remember that moment.